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According to Tom our nurse that is what we are looking at as far as time, but as usual nothing can be set in stone. He has based on the decline we see today. The decline is in her movement she is no longer moving herself at all. Her breathes are more shallow and it is becoming more difficult for her to swallow.
I am so afraid to leave her side. Alan had to get me to ride with him to go to Wendy's to get some ice tea. I did whisper in ear that I was leaving for a few minutes and not to go anywhere and she didnt.
I want to be there at the very end, but of course you know mom she will do what she wants to do LOL. All I can say is that it must be a heck of a journey over to the other side but the reward for mom will be the greatest, eternal life! I asked her to promise me when it comes my turn that she will be the first one to greet me when I arrive. I am believing she will honor my request!
Angela,
ReplyDeleteI am woefully ignorant of this kind of technology and although I haven't gone to bed for months without checking to see if you have posted on your blog, I have been shy about posting publicly, and just tonight figured out how to do it. I have a job that keeps me away from home 3-4 nights per week on the west coast - I am coming to you from Los Angeles tonight - but I've made it my habit to "check on you" from wherever I am. I cannot believe this turn of events. I had so hoped to come and sit with your mom in her garden and ask her so many questions. She was always the steady tie - the only real one we had to the Mann side of the family. Her Uncle Arthur, my mother's father, left his family 70 years ago now - before she was born.
I don't want to call you at this time, but I can't let this last post go by without telling you that you and I don't know each other, but you have really revealed yourself through your posts and I sincerely hope that they have been a comfort to you as they have been to all of us who follow them. And some day your brother will read them all, and he will marvel at and be grateful for your strength and your determination during this terrible trial.
Having been through the brief time of losing my dad (to pancreatic cancer in 1983) and the lengthy time of my mom fading to Alzheimer's I know the dread of feeling "Who will parent me?" and the summoning of strength to be the parent when you have to be. I know you say you are "hard" but sometimes in life we are called on to be not hard, but steely with resolve to get through whatever we need to get through and to learn its lessons. There's a line from my favorite Robert Frost poem that "the best way out is always through". I know this isn't the first time in your life you have faced a situation and had to summon your resolve. So just go through what you have to, dear. You have revealed yourself to be "soft" where it counts. Your mom knows you love her.
I also know that while you and your family have been through the mill, I hope you will look back and see what a privilege it was to have had this time to be together, to say goodbye, and to be your mother's advocate through her trial. I know her well enough to know that she would NOT want to linger this way. This is not who she is. She is the person who helps other people through their trials. I was pretty sure she was just going to keel over some day while chopping fire wood. So, for her sake, I am glad her decline this way has been fairly quick. She is not the most patient woman! These have been a few crappy months in a long life otherwise lived very well.
Your mom has touched countless lives. I will be forever grateful to her for her devotion to my mom. Because she was willing to make so many sacrifices, we were able to live our lives, and mom was able to be comfortable and independent as long as possible.
So, hang in there, Angela. You can do this. Give your mom a hug for me. Gather your dad and your brother and those you love around you and hold on tight. I am praying for you and wishing you a good goodbye. And I know your mom will surely spice up Heaven.
Jennifer (Hedges) Ballantyne
If I can do anything for you, this is how to reach me:
jbbrainseed@aol.com
214-263-3807
Good luck, Dear.
Angela just know that me and my family is sending all of you our love and prayers! I am sure that your Mom knows how very much you love her and that will give you comfort at a later time. Maybe not now. I can only tell you how very thankful I am that we all got together for the reunion in April. I know that Mom was there yesterday and I so wish I could have been there also. Your Mom was such a blessing to mine just over a year ago and even though we had a different outcome I know that there were days when I wasn't sure... sorry. Keep up the blog at least for a while, It will be a good outlet for you. Love and hopes for peace. Sharon C.
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteThose were some awesome words you wrote! I really appreciated you taking the time to figure out how to post. I sent you an email so anytime you want to communicate thru email that would be fine and also feel free to call me. I included my number in the email and it is helping me by talking to other people. I gave mom your hug!