WOW IT IS HARD TO GET BACK ON HERE!!!

I need to do this....... this is me telling myself this so you dont have to read lol

I miss my Mom, I want her back! There is no new normal, because she is gone so how can things be "normal"? Everything in this house, in this yard everywhere reminds me of her. You should have seen me try to clean her room the first time or this weekend, getting Paiges Sr pictures, Mom was supposed to be there. Tomorrow is Paige's first day of her Sr year, where is my Mom? It is not fair and we will never understand and that just sucks.

Ok, thanks for reading my venting. I just thought...this is alot cheaper than therapy, I am glad I am back on here. I hope people will read.

We are all starting or have started back into life. Dad is always busy running or doing something UNTIL 6pm, then news and dinner. He is such a good guy and I dont give him enough credit. He is on top of groceries, stuff we need, unloading the dishwasher and other odds and ends. He thinks like Mom but so do all of us!!

Paige has been just working a lot since its Summer but school starts tomorrow. She told me her good thing out of all this is that she feels more determined. Her and Grandma talked and Mom wanted her to fullfill her dreams and Paige feels like Grandma is right there for her and she is on a mission for what she wants to do.

MOMS MEMORIAL - For any of you reading I hope you know about the Celebration of Life we are having for mom. See I called it Memorial but its supposed to be celebration of life. Seriously, what the hell do you call it GEE! SATURDAY SEPT 4 be here at 1pm. If you need directions or whatever send me a message. If you can not be here and want to say something write it down and get it to me as we will have it displayed and/or be reading it throughout the day.

Now, that I am back on here I wanted to let you know about my mission. That would be raising money for PC (pancreatic cancer). I want to thank Jeannie from the Over My Head place for suggesting I do this! Jeannie, you just might see something on the news lol.

Seriously, I want you all to know that I am going to something to help raise awareness and money for PC. All you hear about is other cancers so why not PC? I had a friend tell me that when you say PC everyone says wow that is the worst cancer to get. So why not do something, even if it is little, about it? Anyone on here reading knows that this is something I could do, so I need you to pray, suggest and offer any ideas that could help! There will be more information regarding this at a time when I have more information and/or whatever.

I want to take a moment and thank you and others for ALL your comments, flowers, cards, donations, kind words, texts and just all around support. You do not know how much it is all appreciated. I hope to see you all on the 4th of Sept.

Love Ang

CELEBRATION OF LIFE

Well, we are going to have a celebration of life for mom. We cant let it end without getting some of us together.

This will be

Sat Sept 4 at 1pm to whenever

Where - Our house 3638 Juniper St Grove City Ohio 43123

What to bring - Lawn Chair, swim gear, cover dish

Provided - Meat, place settings and drinks

from 1-1:130 service for mom with a few songs

1:30 - eat, kids can swim, visit

After eating our friend Dick with have a Mic set up for people who want to say anything and I am sure we can get Dick to sing some more.

We are not sending out formal invites so tell people who are not on facebook and/or dont read the blog. If you could provide a head count for you and your family please RSVP in the subject line of an email and send to lamos2@columbus.rr.com All we need is your name and amount of family members. Thanks.

Lee-Angela and Alan Family

EMAIL I GOT FROM PAULA

Beautiful memories of Aunt Connie Amos that will live forever in my heart!!

- Beautiful pendants she always wore on her left side
- Her beautiful blue eyes that was full of love.
- Planning the next meal while we were eating a meal.
- Wearing one of many cool looking reading glasses (I think she had one for every outfit she wore, so it seemed).
- Her beautiful jewelry that had meaning and caught your eye.
- Her gorgeous flowers she planted every year. She truly had a green thumb
- Her love for frogs - I don’t think I will ever look at a frog the same again.
- Late midnight snacks- she always amazed me how she was hungry for something so greasy so late at night. – White castles and Dicarlos pizza come to mind..
- Connie earning her beaded necklace at Jamboree in the Hills-That is a memory I will never forget and I will say no more. 
- Feather and stencil painting- Connie had a wonderful artistic side. She feathered and stenciled painted our walls shortly after we moved into our home. She stenciled Evelyn’s furniture in her bedroom. Now, it’s a beautiful memory we have in Evelyn’s room.
- Playing bingo – great times!!
- Gambling at wheeling- I never had any luck but she always did!!!
- Playing cards- many great memories
- Having bon fires- loved sitting outside with her and the family and listen to some great stories she shared.
- Baking Christmas cookies with her, Danielle and Angela- wow !! We made so many cookies. We stored them in Donato’s pizza boxes. I think one Christmas I brought home 10 pizza boxes full of goodies. – No lie.
- Pool side in flushing- lots of good memories and fun times
- Four wheeling in her backyard in Flushing- many laughs
- Talking to her through IM all the time while I was a stay at home mom and she lived in Flushing. She always kept me company and we would talk for a great length of time.
- Our trip to Gatlinburg. I loved going to the shops with her and watch her buy another set of dishes of which she had many other sets at home.
- Eating in the (what I thought was very elegant) dining room in Flushing on her good china. I knew eating in that room was to be of some importance for it was not often.
- Keeping the house as cold as an igloo (in Flushing)- I will never forget the first night I stayed in that house. I thought my feet were frost bitten and my nose was frozen. I have never met someone who loved a very cold house like she did.
- Sleeping under layer, upon layer, upon layer of sheets in the spare bedroom- the beds in her home were always nicely made and cozy. The sheets were tucked tight.
- Her uniqueness on gift wrapping
- Her beautiful bows she made for gifts
- Meeting her for the first time- her face and eyes were radiant and beautiful
- Taking Preston for a week when he was a toddler- she always had a special place in her heart for my red head.
- Always being persistent – saying “no” to Connie was not an answer she would accept.
- Going to the gift shop at Der Dutchman to look around- we both bought some gifts in that shop. It was always a given. 
- Eating a late night snack or another dinner at Eat n Park. This was a restaurant she and I went to after gambling. It was just she and I and we talked for a long time.
- Taking a night swim with her and the family in Flushing- some good laughs on those nights.
- Camping for the first time with her at Aunt Danielle’s cabin.
- Shooting a gun for the first time with her at Aunt Danielle’s cabin. - That will be probably be the last time I shoot a gun.
- Having a girl’s weekend in Flushing- she gave each of us girls a gift. She gave me a makeup brush set of which I still have and will always keep.
- Staying the weekend at her house in Flushing. The dinner table was always set with place mats and cool napkin ring holders. I don’t ever recall seeing the same place mats or napkin ring holders twice.
- Special memories from the Disney Cruise
- Spending time with her on the beach before we went on the Disney Cruise
- Spending time with her and Angela at the awful waffle after playing Bingo.
- Eating ice cream with her and the family at Graters
- Spending time with her at the Heibel family reunion
- Spending New Years with her and the family
- Drinking Diet Pepsi
- Asking me to carry on her name sake of which we did, Evelyn Patricia
- Giving me a flag ring of which she had as well I complimented on the one she wore one day while in Gatlinburg. Next thing I know, she got me one too.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST- LOOKING ME IN THE EYES, AND TELLING ME SHE LOVED ME!!!

I JUST WISH - BY BROOKE AMOS

My brother gave me this poem that Brooke (my neice) wrote:

I just wish - she would open her eyes and see me

I just wish - she would grab my hand and hold it tight

I just wish - she would smile and say I love you

I just wish - she would live

Brooke that was awesome and we all wish the same things you do. But know this Brooke, she is watching you, and she is right there with you just feel her hand and feel her love and she is now really living and eternally!!

Love ya Brooke!

OUR NEW NORMAL

As my cousin explained we will now begin a "new normal". I dont want a new normal but this is the way it has to be. She also told me it is not the situation it is how we react to the situation that will get us thru. Jen, you are a great lady with some very wise words. I cant say enough about how much your phone call and comments meant to me, especially the insight regarding the baseball bat!

I guess my first new normal was a very good night sleep. Paige and I slept in moms bed and laid there for a long time just talking, which we really have not done in awhile. We did not get up until 12:30 and probably would not have gotten up then but Alan came in and woke us up. But that is what Alan does, wakes everyone up lol.

I am sitting here wondering what to do with myself now. I have that feeling you have afer you have planned and worked for a big event and the event is over and now what do you do? One thing I am going to continue to do is post on here. This will be cheaper than paying a therapist lol. So I hope I dont bore you all :)

One thing that is kinda bothering me is that we are not having a funeral/memorial. Not really a formal funeral but a memorial for mom. She did not want one but I had told her that a memorial would not be for her its for the living. We decided then that we would have a "living memorial" but as you know things did not work out that way. I would love to gather with family and friends and visit and talk about mom. I guess its kind of like a closure and a celebration to whole thing. Maybe I will work on Dad about this.

I have not mentioned Alan and Dad but just to let you know they both are doing ok as usual they are out running around doing errands or whatever.

Thanks for all your comments on here I love reading them keep them coming. Love and appreciate all your support and love!!

OBITUARY

Connie Heibel Amos went peacefully to be with The Lord on August 2, 2010. She passed away in the comfort of her home located in Grove City Ohio. She was surrounded and cared for by her loved ones until the very end, after being diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.

She was born in Columbus Ohio on April 6 1944 to Leroy “Pete” and Evelyn “Peggy” Heibel and was a graduate of West High School. She became a long time resident of Flushing Ohio after meeting her husband Lee Amos.

Connie was foremost a wonderful mother and fantastic homemaker, then later served as a public official for the Flushing Township.

She left behind her husband Lee Amos, daughter Angela Amos Jacob and grand daughter Paige Jacob, son Alan Amos and wife Tracy along with their children, grandson Justin and grand daughter Brooke Amos, her sister Danielle Weber, and sisters in law Barbara and Sharon Heibel. She had many nephews and nieces and their spouses who loved her dearly. Nephews Brian (Paula) Heibel, Mark (Robbon) Heibel and Neices Mindy (Jeff) Bowling, Carrie (Ben) White and Michelle (Eric) Baker along with the many, cousins and dear friends. All of these people were a fantastic support to mom and us thru this entire ordeal.

Connie was preceded in death by her parents, two brothers Bob and Tom Heibel and brother in law Danny Weber.

Connie will be deeply missed by her loved ones and friends. There will be no formal funeral or memorial but we ask that donations be made to Mount Carmel Hospice for the great care they gave to Connie and her family during this difficult time.

TWO BIRTHDAYS TODAY

Today is my neice Brookes 13th birthday. Also, our friends Mark and Cindy's daughter Bailey turns 1 today. These little girls had a special place in moms heart and I was sad that today they will remember this as the day of moms passing. But both Brooke and Baileys mom both told me it would be a day to celebrate their birthdays and day to celebrate Grandma/Connies life. How awesome. I wanted to share their pictures with you!

THE FIGHT IS OVER

Mom took her last breath here and the next breath she took was in Heaven at about 5pm this evening.

She was not alone Paige was laying down with her when she passed.

If you havent gotten a call and are reading about this on here I am sorry but we just did not have the energy to call lots of people.

I asked others what the title of this post should be and several ideas but since I was writing this all along I dedided The Fight is Over. Paige also had a good one "Sweet Relief" and I guess that would apply to all.

Posting Comments

Hey, this is Paige. Mom was telling me how people are having trouble posting comments. So, I was told to tell you how to post a comment on the blog. Underneath every post it'll show how many comments have been posted. Like 0 comments or 3 comments. Something like that, if you click that a new screen will come up and show the post and if you scroll down it'll show a box. Type your comment in that box and click post comment. Easy, right?

NURSE ERICA WAS HERE

Erica was the nurse who was here last Monday and was fantastic in helping us to get mom comfortable and the medications started.

Tom must be off today, so it was Erica who did the visit. We are nearing the very end now as moms blood pressure is 56 over 26. This means we are very close to the end. I think we will be spending the majority of the day in her room with her. We all want to be there when she passes and I hope we are there to witness her soul leaving this earth and headed to her eternal life which mom has thru Jesus Christ.

Dear Lord,
Take good care of my mom and let her know we are all ok and we will see her soon!

MONDAY MORNING

Again all is the same. The nurse will be here later and if there are any updates I will be sure to share.

During this time I have received several emails, posts on here and messages on face book and I wanted to share this one. To the person who wrote this I withheld your name for your privacy :)

Hi ANgela, I am a good friend with Michelle Baker, I have not meant you but I am following your blog on your Mom, I want you to know that I am standing in the gap (God always preveils) knowing God is preveiling in your Mom. As I was praying and worshipping this morning the beautiful picture of the angels all around your Mom was breathtaking. I seen Jesus stand at his throne (no I did not see his face I just know it was him) As he cried to his Father I heard him say thank you Father for my child she is mine. He was no longer sitting athe right side but standing to help your Mother through this journey. He is with her and you. I seen the angels all around her four on each side on at her head and one at her feet. Worshipping Jesus preparing the way. I know your heart is breaking and I am standing at the alter for you crying that God will comfort you through this journey. If I can do anything clean mow grass laundry, please call me. I fully agree with you and your brother cancer is a MF and you did not offend me I too have fought this monster. I might even make a tee shirt with that statement. lol If you need any thing feel free to call me or Michelle. I am holding your mom to the throne room of God. I pray that she leaves with you a great revealtion of heaven on earth.

Ok MOM....

just letting you know the yard is done and cut and cut and got things all cleared out just like you would be doing. The bag was so heavy I had to have Alan take it around, sound familiar? lol

I just checked on mom and she is laying there peacefully except for that congestion like sound. I would love to pick her up pound on her back and make her cough. From all that I have read and been told this is ok it only bothers "us" not her.

I have had some questions about mom and what state she is in ect. Now, before I say this please undersatnd this is my theory but if I am like my mother then I am right LOL.

Early Monday morning something must have happened that affected her brain, maybe some cancer went to the to the brain maybe a blood clot I dont know. But the symtoms were brain/mental like. Now understand from this point mom was non communicative, she has not talked to us vocally. I will also say when her eyes are/were open I do not believe they were seeing us, if you know what I mean. For the first few days she was mobile meaning if we moved her she would actually try to situate herself and would move on her own. She would also adjust somewhat on her own. She took a turn the other day and now that is not happening and her eyes are not opening and she is not responsive. She is now in the state that she needs positioned. My theory is that she is now in a coma but what do I know I am not a Dr I am a daughter. Also she is at the point now that she is NOT swallowing. Mr Medicine Man - Alan give her the meds but it take longer. You have to put in a few drops and just let it absorb into her gum and cheek.

I wanted to explain all that to make sure that you all know exactly what is going on and how it is progessing. If you have questions just ask and I will do my best to answer. Of course the bottom line is this sucks, knowing mom would NOT want it this way.

As sad as we might be about that I have to share some insight I have gained. If anyone read the comment from cousin Jen she mentioned how the family being together was a good thing in all this. Now, that I am looking at the past week I see this. All this family has come together in so many ways, new relationships have started and old ones have changes and/or become stonger. It is not like we all were estranged or anything but spending this amount of time develops and strengthens bonds.

Jennifer - You really gave me some wonderful words and thoughts that have really helped me understand, just like the above paragraph. I was so glad to have had the opportunity to speak with you tonight. No matter what we have to make the time to get together, even if it is only during a lay over here in Columbus!!!!

PS Jen I spent a few days with your mom in the Summer one year I believe it was 1984. I hung out with a neighbor and your mom had a live and boy was he cute! Anyway while I was there we (not your mom) went to a concert it was Wayone Jennings and Neil Young. I really had a good time.

Well, since gardeing, weeding, cutting back, swimming then hot tubbing I need a shower so off to get clean, relax and eat some dinner

Ok I am Heibel so shout out to some good food, thanks Michelle I am showering and trying some soup and I see the dessert bars I liker Iou ROCK-you know what we like!!! and the garden for some good tomoatoes I got like 8 tonight!

SUNDAY DAY 7

No changes in mom all is still the same so I have no new news. So think I will go out in yard to do some weeding or just get out there and do something normal.

Mom, I love girl so much. If I can not do anything right now to make you feel better then I am going to go do the things for you that you would like to be doing. I am going to miss you so very much!