Tuesday June 22, 2010

Sorry I have not had time to write, but really beat! This is very stressful, thought it would be easy to handle but it really is not. Lets be honest, someone is give X amount of time compared to someone who just passes all the sudden. I like the way Carrie explained it, when my Uncle her dad Bob and his brother Tom died it was unexpected and the pain was like tearing off a bandaid real quick, not that the pain is not still there, but it was quick and fast. Being handed X amount of time and watching someone decline is like slowly tearing off that bandaid, its not quick and not fast and you are constantly reminded of the pain.

I told someone today that writing this blog is getting harder to do and do I really put it all out there? Do I tell when it is really bad or what? I guess being honest is the best. I have been honest so far but I see changes in mom but one thing I do see that is positive is that she is trying. As a matter of fact she came out of the bedroom this evening while dad and I were watching a movie and said "hey lets have potroast for dinner tomorrow, we need a good meal". She said "Lee lay it out and I can sear it in the morning and Ang I can make sure I get some potatoes peeled". And tonight she wanted the Mandarin Orange salad that Carrie gave us the recipe for and even though she was asleep when I came in from work tonight she popped up and tried to help get it together. She did go cut the parsley and pulled up a few green onion and sauted the sugar and almonds but it was a stretch. Then she had to lay down she was sick at her stomache. But she did eat hmmm about a cup of the salad and 3 pieces of popcorn chicken.

But here is what I dont understand, she is tired, weak, sleeps alot, has pain but somewhat controlled, is sick at her stomache, pain in her upper abdomen, and does not eat very much, is shaky and has no interest or patience for anything. Now, is that recovery from surgery, the cancer or the drugs? I asked my aunt tonight how in the heck do you know? But honestly, I see her declining and I dont like it period! I want my mom back!

As for her mind, well that is my Dad! He is on top of everything and know exactly what is going on when and keeping her up to date. Like I said he is her mind, if that makes sense. Dad has been the best thru all this really, because Paige and I have been up and down and I take things out on Paige and her me. But really Dad is the ROCK! What a fantastic husband, father and grandpa! I love you dad and thanks for the all you are doing and especially for the movie tonight even though you already watched it, it was good!

Our upcoming schedule is Friday afternoon she sees Dr Price the surgeon to get the staples removed. She thinks that will make her feel better atleast in that area and it really does look good. Thank you Dr Price. Now dont get me wrong I am not blaming anyone but that was all for NOT and it waisted alot of time. Then Monday is the Oncologist Dr Segal and I really dont know what this appointment will be about, but I will say this, it better get things started and moving forward and fast. I have never been so sick of waiting except when I was expecting Paige! Now that I think about it maybe I should not be there because if they dont fullfill my expectations I will be mad. I hope they dont say well next week we will do this then that, oh boy I better keep myself in check.

Dad will be gone most of the day tomorrow and again I am grateful for where I work because I work from home tomorrow and can be right her if she needs anything. I am going to put Paige to work and try to teach her what mom has taught me ie cleaning and yard work! Please pray for that lol.

Love you all :)