MY ANGER IS GONE....WELL FOR NOW

I was just so mad during my last post but I/we have every right to be when we see this happening to someone we love. I just think about the punk who is bad and gets shot dead with absolutely no suffering then I think about my mom and her suffering and I do not see any fairness.

After I had my angry bought I just went upstairs and crawled in bed with mom and I read a little bit but then just grabbed her hand and held it and fell asleep. I woke up later and Paula and Brian had brought dinner, thanks guys! I ate then went right back up and held moms hand and slept until about 10 this evening!

Now I am thinking about who will be there for me when I am angry, sad, scared, happy or whatever. Mom has always been there for me thru the good and the bad. She is the one person who understood me and was someone I could always go to and I could always depend on her! That is soon to be gone, oh man what will I do, how hard is this going to be to loose my mom? For now it is just scary to even think about.

I AM ANGERY TODAY

If my heart could beat out of my chest it would today, my angry emotion is running really strong. We gave her a bath and washed her hair and it was 10 times harder today.

Like my brother just said Dag this cancer is just eating her up and we are sitting here watching it.

I dont understand I have prayed and prayed and prayed for NO suffering why is this prayer not being answered. Why does my mom have to suffer like this. Were'nt these last 2 moths enough from the surgery to the chemo and now this lingering dying process?

Well guess I better get off here and deal with this anger befor I post again. No worries though ther are no changes.

ALAN DOES READ THE BLOG.....

I need to notify everyone reading this blog that ALAN does read the blog now LOL

Just letting you know all is still the same with mom. Tom from hospice said today how amazed he was with her fighting all the way and that for now she is just fine. Tom is off on the weekend so he put down for people to stop by over the weekend but if we need anything all we have to is call. Since all is good, the plan for tomorrow will be another bath/wash hair day. And I have some comments from here that I printed off so we will do some reading too. Keep the comments coming as I am reading them to mom!

AGAIN I have to say thanks to Michelle. She gave me an awesome pedicure this evening, my feet feel so relaxed. And the color she painted them was this cool purple. I think purple will be the color for everything now and I do not mind. I even said to my neice tonight as we were making flower arrangements from flowers in the garden, that next year aside from what moms perinials I am going to plant all purple! And Brooke said she will help me plant next year. I will pass on the gardening I have learned from mom to Brooke. I hope I am as successful as mom so any advise and help will be appreciated lol

Stan is a man who was mine and Alans science teaching in high school. Well Alan just got a new little i-pad deal so he was working face book. Anyway, I told him to to Stans page and look at his pictures. Well, STAN if you are reading this I want you to know that Alan and I both had the best laugh we have needed for a long time! Thanks for posting all those. We only got thru 1/2 of them but will be picking up again soon for another laugh. Oh my goodness they are funny.

Love you all keep posting and keep reading!

PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS!!!

A Penny for your thoughts and what happened? A PENNY showed up at our door step last night:) Penny is a good friend of my moms and she is from Tennessee. Her and her husband Terry had so many good times with mom and dad over the years. Penny has two daughters Susan and Shaye, great girls.

After talking to Penny I guess I would have to consider her my Blog Groupie! She reads this every day, reads it several times and when I post she immediately tells Susan and Shaye "Hey Angela posted again". She loved the other day when I posted several times as she kept checking.

Penny and Susan had planned to come this week to visit with mom and all this went down. She finally called me yesterday and God bless her she was so upset that this happened. Since they already had reservations I told her to jump in the car and come on up, so that is what they (her and Susan). They were able to spend a little bit of time with mom and then we visited and I think it was really good for Penny. I think it made her feel better. They are still in town and hopefully they will stop again and she will bring the bestest dessert ever.....Woodville Dessert!

Love you Penny Terry Susan and Shaye!!!! And Dad, Paige and I WILL be taking you up on your offer to come visit. I love Tennessee and Penny hopefully you can introduce me to some of your famous people :)

FRIDAY DAY 5

Like I said leaving this earth and entering into the next must be a heck of journey as mom is still holding on. Again, remember she is in no pain and is comfortable. I think she must be taking this trip just like she has been things lately. She does a little bit, then has to rest and I am assuming that is how she is taking this trip.

Over this week she has had some friends stop in and say good bye, bring food and/or just be with us as we deal with all of this. We have had some good laughs, some times where we thought this is it, some anger, sadness and I guess any kind of emotion that you can think of. Basically since Monday we have been riding the fastest, slowest, highest, curviest roller coaster ever built!

I want to take a moment and give a huge HUG-KISS-THANK YOU to MICHELLE BAKER. She has been here all day every day. She has cooked, pampered us, cleaned, straighened up, done dishes, kept Paige company (as I am focused on mom) and she has read and loved on mom. So Michelle, we all Dad Alan and I just want to say thank you again for everything. And Michelle, since I had a good nights sleep and feel more relaxed, I am now ready for your treat :)

I am going to have a good day today no matter what because I finally passed out last night about 10:30 and did not wake up unitl like 9 this morning! Oh, my did I need that sleep as I think I had gotten under 12 hours up until last night.

Will keep posting I promise!

24 - 48 HOURS LEFT

According to Tom our nurse that is what we are looking at as far as time, but as usual nothing can be set in stone. He has based on the decline we see today. The decline is in her movement she is no longer moving herself at all. Her breathes are more shallow and it is becoming more difficult for her to swallow.

I am so afraid to leave her side. Alan had to get me to ride with him to go to Wendy's to get some ice tea. I did whisper in ear that I was leaving for a few minutes and not to go anywhere and she didnt.

I want to be there at the very end, but of course you know mom she will do what she wants to do LOL. All I can say is that it must be a heck of a journey over to the other side but the reward for mom will be the greatest, eternal life! I asked her to promise me when it comes my turn that she will be the first one to greet me when I arrive. I am believing she will honor my request!

COULD TODAY BE THE DAY?

It can not be today as it is overcast with no sunshine. She should be taken on a beautiful day because she is a beautiful person. There were plenty of times I as her child did not think she was beautiful, like when she was riding me about something, or punishing me or whatever. But then you grow up lol Why does it take until later in life to appreciate your mom totally? Maybe it is because you have to go "thru" all the other stuff to get to that point.

As for moms status today we are seeing the time draw closer. She is a little less responsive today than yesterday, but this is expected during this process.

I was just thinking why I am sad and it is not because of me its because of her. I am sad that this has all gone down this way. I am sad for all the poking, proding, surgeries, tests, scans and chemo she had to go thru. I am sad we did not get to do so many of things she said she wanted to do, when she was diagnosed back in May. I am that she has to leave a great man, my dad, who loves her so much. I have seen this gentle sweet side to him I never saw before. The only sadness I have right now for myself really is that she will not be here to see Paige graduate from high school.

Mom I guess you are right you are the QUEEN.....the QUEEN of my HEART and so many others!

A BABIES BUTT.....

Well, let me tell you that is what mom smells like LOL. It was a tough job but Paige and I did it! Paige you are the best daughter ever and will make a great Doctor someday.

It is weird mom can commuicate facially and physically and yes she did kind of get agitated when Paige and I were bathing her and washing her hair and all that. However, if you could have just seen how peaceful, relaxed and comfortable she looked when we got done! Her hair she really would be happy if she could see it, it was not totally like how she or Carolyn would have done it but it sure was close! Man, those shower caps are amazing!!

I just want to say you all are so wonderful and great with all your comments and such they are so appreciated. As a matter of fact, they go to my email and my dad was reading them this afternoon and he really enjoyed reading all your comments. It really made him happy even though he didnt know some of you, he was very pleased.

I will post again soon. I must be on a marathon, this is the 3rd one today but it helps me and you to keep you all posted!

TOMS VISIT

Well Tom our nurse came and check on mom. All is good and steady no changes. He checked her vitals and they are strong and up there like normal. There are some signs/symptoms that we will see that will indicate that we are closer and she is not exhibiting those as of now. So we could have some days left.

She just had her 2 oclock meds and they have kicked in so Paige and I are going up to make her happy by bathing her, washing her hair and doing all the things she likes. I know she will love this just as I am sure I did when I needed her to do all those things for me. I love her so much and although I am happy to do all this, it does hurt so much to see her like this.

Will keep you posted with any changes!

WEDNESDAY MORNING.....

Just letting you all know she is still hanging in there. No new symptoms or anything and still carrying a fever here and there. This morning it was 104 which is where we do NOT want it to go but we gave her the meds and cooled her body down.

Her case manager Tom is on the way here along with the social worker. Why the social worker I dont know.

Paula this is a funny for you, hopefully Brian already told you this. Yesterday we met Tom and on his way out he looked at me and said "you are the tough one arent you"? I thought you might get a kick out of that Paula, since you already think I am "hard"! LOL

CANCER IS A M.F.

My brother has not read this blog or told me anything until today. He said I have a title for tonight’s blog CANCER IS A M----- F-----! Now, I was trying to no offend anyone so I did not put the entire words. Alan is right though with his description. This is very hard to watch for everyone and really heartbreaking is the word.

It is 9:30pm and mom is still fighting. The only thing that has really changed today is that she is carrying a fever. The fever is up and down but it is all part of this process. Your brain stops controlling your body temperature. We give her children’s Tylenol and use cold clothes and it does work. She has gotten a little more agitated today but we are giving her meds for that. Her apnea is a little longer this evening and there is some blue/purple tint to her hands and wrist.

Dad, Alan and I have spent almost the entire day in there with her and she is comfortable and surrounded by all of us.

I want to give a shout out to Michelle and Danielle they have been here for the majority of the day and have taken care of us! They have swept, cooked, cleaned out a junk drawer, watered flowers, straightened up the house and have just been a God send! Tracy is our official clothes washer and dryer....PS Tracy I do need to show you where all the ironing is located :)

Now as for Carrie hmmm what has she done well I believe her statement was "I have done nothing". But that is wrong she brought Frog sugar cookies, you know mom loves Frogs! She has also helped Danielle and Michelle and has just plain been there for us.

We appreciate and love ALL you ladies and everyone who has been a support to us thru all this!

Oh, and one last shout out to my friend Gayle. She sent us a fruit bouquet and WOW how wonderful! The best was is the Chocolate covered pineapple YUM!

I am not a Dr (although I feel I got some kind of degree in the medical field thru all this) nor can I see the future, but I don’t feel there is much time left, so I am headed up to her room now.

As always thanks for your prayers and support!!!

Mom has taken a turn for the worse...

Things are not good; I think the term is that mom is "actively dying". I told you her blood counts were up and we brought her home on Saturday. She has had constant nausea and sleeping from the meds, with breaks of being awake and talking. Hardly any eating or drinking.

However, Sunday evening she was complaining of a bad headache. We gave her Tylenol and a cold cloth. Around 3:30 she got up to go the bathroom and was, I am guessing the word would be delirious. Dad got her settled and back in bed. I got up and started working about 6am, then around 6:30 dad yelled down and said he needed my help. We were unable to get her out of bed, she was not communicating verbally and she was just limp. We got her situated then immediately called Hospice and they were here fairly quickly.

Long story short, she is in the actively dying stage. The nurse said this evening that there are like 9 stages and she has hit about 7 of them. They said it could be hours or a few days.

I want you all to know she is surrounded by her loved ones and we along with Hospice are taking great care of her. She is really peaceful and comfortable. I just went in to cover dad with another blanket and she is very relaxed and calm.

I will let you know when things progress or whatever. I know some of you know and some of you don’t, but I really wanted to post on here today but now is the first quiet time I have had today.

Thanks for all of your love and support!!

WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR US?

Everyone wants to know what they can do for us and now I have 2 requests and if you have answers for ideas please let me know ASAP.

One - Mom wants us to go away as a family and we have a great offer from Tim and Kathy to use their cabin in Georgia. We really want to do that but it is an 8 hour drive and depending on mom and how she feels it might be to long of a drive. Does anyone have any ideas where we could go? The 8 hour drive does account for 2 days of just drive time and that will take of time spent together. We would like a place that will fit all of us so we can be together and be comfortable. Let me know ASAP if you have any ideas.

Second - I want to be with my mom without worry of work does anyone have any inside info on any Obama money availability that I can just take FMLA and GET PAID? I am serious this is BS that I cant just be here to take care of her and not worry about work and when I do work I am really not working because my head is not in the game. Please invesigate and let me know..... I AM SERIOUS ! My tax dollars go to all these loosers who dont do a dam thing, so its about time someone helps me!!!

MOM IS HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL

They released mom yesterday (Saturday). All her blood levels are back to where they should be, and they are staying there! That is good as it means the chemo is not still eating them.

However, mom went in for low blood cells not pain, so tell me why they kept her so doped up? You have to understand that we had 3 specialists seeing her while she was in the hospital and NONE of them were on the same page. Am I frustrated...hell yes! The pain specialist ordered a nerve block to be done and they did it, but it takes a day or two to kick in, and they kept giving her pain meds every 4-6 hours.
It would take me forever to write all that went on but long story short she was so doped up that they asked that we have someone stay with her at night as she would get out of bed by herself and that would not be a good thing. They said they could move her to a room closer to the nurse’s station or someone could stay with her. Well she was already hearing voices why would we want to put her closer to commotion? Dad stayed Thursday and I stayed Friday.

When Saturday morning came I was so frustrated as she was weak, totally bloated from the IV fluids and sleeping all the time, but everything else was good. All her levels were back up ect so why did they need to keep her? Well, when one of the Dr's came in that morning I asked and pushed and long story short they released her.

Now, just an FYI when you have a loved one in the hospital and sick like mom is someone needs to be there all the time or for the most part. Why? Because the patient needs an advocate! Why do they ask a question to someone who is so medicated and does not give true responses? So if you learn anything from this post, make sure if you have a loved one that is sick in the hospital make sure you have people there all the time. Oh, and the ones that are familiar with what is going on what meds they are on ect!

This is where we stand now, for now no more Chemo! I am sure she will have follow up with the Zang due to being in the trial and such but she was released with Hospice and today Dad signed the paper work to begin Hospice. Tomorrow we have the case manager, which will be her nurse that will come in and meet us and go over some things and do a more extensive assessment than the lady did today.

I really feel good about this as we have a contact right at our finger tips. As for mom, I really can’t say for sure where she is right now. Her pain has decreased due to the pain block but she is constantly nauseous and taking those meds every 4 hours which makes her tired therefore she sleeps all the time. When she does have a coherent moment, she is frustrated and per her words “I wish I would just die "!

Now you have to remember ALL this has been because of the Chemo. But there is a point when we can not keep blaming it on the Chemo. According to the Dr who released us she said we needed to give it about a week and if symptoms are still there and mom is not back to where she was before the Chemo then we can assume it is the cancer.

I guess we will give it some more time and hopefully she will come out of these chemo side effects and all the drugs that the hospital pumped into her and we can see clearly where we are in this process.

For now I just ask that you all pray for recoupment and strength for ALL of us!!! Thanks so much for all your support!

BOTTOM LINE....CHEMO SUCKS

The Chemo has been very hard on mom. You name a symptom and she has it or had it. The main problem is extreme fatigue. However, this second round hit her hard. Because her red blood cell count was low they almost did not treat her to begin with, but the Dr said she was not at the very bottom number so they proceeded with treatment.

Her symptoms dont seem to hit until the 3 and 4 day, which is what happened. She was in bed all day on Sunday and extremely tired then other symptoms started to hit. She was also carrying a low grade fever and we were told to monitor the fever and give her tylenol. We also needed to watch for other signs of infection, like coughing, congestion, things like that.

On Monday we called our nurse Sarah and can you beleive she was on vacation for a couple days! LOL She does have a back up, her name is Beth. We explained what was going on so they wanted us to bring her in so they could hydrate her via IV and push some other meds. Of course they also wanted to check her blood. Well, her white count was very very low. Previously she had been a 7.0 and was now .7! So they had to admit her to the hospital.

She has what they call NEUTROPENIA and this is a common side effect from Chemo. They admitted her to the hospital because she was so low and is very very suseptible to infection. They will treat her with Neupogen and/or Neulasta. This will make her feel alot better but the Dr said she can not be released until the counts go up. He explained that she will feel better immediately but her counts wont be up that will take some time. He said she will probably be there for about 3 days.

She will not be getting her treatment this Thursday, which personally I do NOT have a problem with that at all! What the next steps in treatment will be I have no idea but will keep you posted.

I need to do some heavy cleaning around here before she comes home and I also read that you should not have fresh flowers around. So I guess I have to Neutropenize the house. I am going to ask specifics on what I need to do, so looks like I better get busy!!!!!

I just want to give a shout out to CARLA-CARRIE-ROBBON AND MICHELLE!!!!! I love you guys and thanks for being there for me/us

SECOND TREATMENT

Mom had her second treatment yesterday. Her main side effect is fatigue and now accompanied by some crankiness. Poor dad he really gets the bulk of it, but ah he takes it like a man.

Moms hemoglobin is low so she will need to start cranking in some iron to her diet as they do not want it to stay low, that would not be good. But that is the reason for the extreme fatigue she has now.

She is drinking more water and eating small bites frequently. So thank you Sarah for whatever you said to her because she is towing the line now!

She will have one more treatment next week then will be off for a week. I will be anxious to see the results of the tests as opposed to when we started.

Love you all!

SORRY ITS BEEN A FEW DAYS .....

Sorry I have not posted but when your work requires you to be on the computer all day, sometimes it's hard to get back on at the end of the day!

The major side effect mom is having is the fatigue and it was the most extreme yesterday. I would say yesterday she was the most tired and hasnt eaten that much. Over the weekend, she did good eating, she did not drink as much I would have liked to have seen her drink and she carried a low grade fever with some chills. The fever spiked over the "call you Dr if" your temp goes over 100.5. That was Saturday night and it went to like 101.1 but within the hour was down to 99.8.

We told Sarah about the fever and they did have her come in yesterday. They did blood work and a chest xray and it all looked fine. They also drew some blood from her port which they will run cultures on to see if there is any bacteria or whatever. She was scheduled to have another treatment tomorrow but they changed it to Thursday since they saw how tired and fatigued she was.

I only saw mom for about 2 minutes this evening, then she went back up to bed. I went up and laid down with her for a little bit and she did seem to be more alert than yesterday! So we could be on the up swing,for what a day or two, then of course its time for the next treatment!

This makes me think of that song by Chumbawamba, it keeps running thru my head "I get knocked down but I get up again" and if I could just get mom to push herself to fulfill the rest of those lyrics which are "Your never gonna keep me down"! Hmmm maybe I should record it and play it over and over when she is asleep?

I am sure tomorrow will be better! I dont want to push her but then I do want to, but when? I guess I will just have to follow my instincts as to when to and when not to. Wish me luck on that one lol.

I will keep you posted after this next treatment and stay in prayer that it will be easier and not so much fatigue. I do know some of the anxiety will not be present as she has already been thru it and knows what to expect. And then there will be one more treatment the next week and she will have 2 weeks off, then time for cycle 2!

MORE THAN 24 HOURS AFTER CHEMO

Mom slept from the time she got home yesterday ( 1:30ish ) until 8:30 this morning. Now, we did get her up a couple times to take her temp, make her drink and try to get her to eat a little bit. She did fine, although her temp got to 100.4 and you need to contact the Dr if it goes to 100.5. Needless to say it did not but I think making her drink helped. Yesterday was a total wash and she said this morning that she has NEVER felt that tired and she could not explain how it felt, except she just needed to close her eyes.

She got up this morning by herself at 8:30 and she has done fine all day. She has been drinking, eating (not a ton but good), no nausea or anything! Dad and I had to tease and say "yeah sure you are feeling good because you know Alan is coming up tonight"!

In all honesty she has good color and NO side effects. She is not out running around or anything but has a good head on, if you know what I mean. I dont know what it is but cold foods do sound good to her. However, Paige woke up this morning and made scrambled eggs with chees and toast and mom said "oh no" but tasted it and BAM ate! Thanks Paige love you! She even brought me down a plate while I was working.

The wig place we are going to called today and had a cancellation for tomorrow so we have an appointment at 1pm tomorrow and Alan will be able to be here.

At the moment I have her upstairs snapping green beans that I picked from the garden. I guess if she is going to lay around she might as well do something right?

We are all so happy this went well and will continue to keep you posted. Love you all and have a great weekend!

CHEMO WENT WELL

This took longer than expected but due to needing to meet with the Doctor, blood work and such. For the first hour they filled her full of side effect meds like anti anxiety and nausea meds which make you tired. Then less than 2 hours to administer the Chemo meds.

She is fine and did well, but is now sound asleep upstairs on the couch. I guess we can give her a break and let her sleep for a little while lol. Now, we just have to watch her over the next 48 hours and all will be good until the next treatment. It should be a lot easier as the anxiety of the first one and what to expect is over.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers as always!

CHEMO COUTDOWN

Tomorrow is the big day, first chemo treatment. It is at 8:45am and according to my notes to give her both drugs it will take approximately 2 hours. With Gemzar alone it is about 1.5 hours but with this additional drug it will be an extra 30 minutes.

I really did not say this in the previous post, but this is a "clinical trial" treatment. She had to test into the treatment and once accepted she was put in a random drawing to be in either group A or B. Group A gets both drugs and Group B gets only the Gemzar. The "drawing" was today and she will be getting the combo - with the new drug, which is Group A. This is a good thing and the call was good news. The combo will be Gemzar and Abraxane. This is phase 3 of the trial and after this trial the next step is to have it FDA approved for treatment. If you want to know more go out there and read about Abraxane and you will find promising results in phase 1 and 2. This is why Sarah is our "go to girl", she will be monitoring moms every step and she is the liaison between the Drug Company and mom.

Mom had a good day today, but became a real crab later in the day. I came home and my goal was just to clean. I want her to be able to come home tomorrow to a clean house plus a big factor in chemo is "odor" and I did not want her to have smell all the cleaning stuff after her first treatment. I also had her come to her room so she could help me organize stuff for her. We have so many things (meds) on hand for side effects and such and I just wanted her to have easy, organized access to it all. Now the funny part is will it stay that way LOL. Mom just really does not care about that kind of stuff right now. And if any of you know her that is totally out of character.

God does still deliver when you need it, he always knows. It was a bad day at work today, computer problems and our IT department did not help at all. I was very frustrated! On top of that yesterday I had to make an appointment at a WIG place for mom and today I had to call about getting into a caregivers class that was recommended by the Zang. How freaking depressing!

So I need to give a shout out to Mike he is a guy who I used to go to church with, he works at the same place I do and he is friends with Brian. Well, he came up to me today and wanted to introduce me to someone who works for him. She has cancer, is getting Chemo and told Mike she would talk to mom if she needed someone to talk to. He introduced us and Linda and I talked for awhile about all this stuff. Linda is a very nice lady and get this she is getting treated at the Zang too! What a small world! She does not have the same cancer as mom but she had some nice insight to a few things. It was great to talk to someone who has been there done that and is still doing it. As a matter of fact, guess when her treatment is…..yep tomorrow morning! She will start her treatment shortly after mom, so she is going to ask her nurse to introduce her to mom.

Depending where you are in this picture we are ALL going thru stuff and it would be great for mom to have someone to talk to. You know someone to understand how she is feeling and how scared she might be for this first time. Someone to call afterwards and say hey I am feeling this way or that way blah blah.

There are so many side effects and you don’t what or if you will get any of them but hair loss is the big thing. Linda has lost hers but I am telling you she looked good! Boy did she have some things to say about hair loss. The one thing I never thought about is that you loose you nose hair! Those are the hairs that filter what you breathe…duh! I wonder why they talked about congestion and breathing and such well you will be in haling everything and think about all the allergens that are out now that make you stuffy and such. She also told me wigs are synthetic and they catch fire easy, so mom will not be doing any cooking on the grill, that’s for sure! She said the scarves are so much cooler, especially this time year now that we have this crazy heat wave. That is good because mom loves to wear a bandana!

Linda had so much information on a personal note that I pray mom gets to know her and will communicate with her. Mom does need that kind of support. If you are reading any of this Linda, I want to say again thanks so much for you time today and your personal insight, it was such a blessing at the time we talked!!!!

Ok now I just need agreement and prayer that mom will do fantastic and this will help us get the Connie back that we know and love!

Love you all XOXOXOXOXO

The 4th of July weekend

Well we had a nice weekend! Now at first mom was sleeping a lot but on Saturday we had plans for Brian/Paula and the kids to come over to swim and watch the Grove City Fireworks. Well, mom was dragging and down but we got her up and moving (it took a bit but we did it). She ended up hanging out all day or most of the day by the pool then her and Brian went to get flowers for these big pots at the end of our pool. The flowers look great but ah just something else for me to water lol.

You know the nurse said she needs to make sure she get her exercise so I wonder if I DONT go out and water will that spur her on to doing it herself? Hmmm have to think about that one :)

Well like I said we had a good weekend and she enjoyed Brians' being around. Now the baby in the picture is Keegan, no he is not mine dont worry haha. It is our neighbors (Jan and Keith) grandson (parents are Steve and Sasha) He is only like 2 months and he is just a doll! Steve and Sasha you take good care of him and I am here when you want to go out to eat with Keith and Jan and not take the baby!!!!!

All of us ended up watching the fireworks and Natalie and her man Jess came too. It was all very nice. After the fireworks our other neighbor Mona had some other friends over and they all, Jean-Mona-Kathy-Wil-Betsy came over to say hi to mom and that really made mom happy. She really did enjoy all the people.

Now for the next day, that was a different story. Of course dad was up early as usual but Paige and I slept until noon and I dont think mom got out of bed until 2ish. She stayed up for a couple hours but then went back to lay down around 4 ish got up again and then eventually to bed for the night. She manage to go out back and water her "new" plants but as for the rest no water!

Sunday was very much a "rest" day. Paige and I watched a ton of movies and just chilled. Dad did whatever and mom slept most of the day. I think that day of rest was good for ALL of us, because Monday we were ALL up early and hung outside ALL day.

I was bound and determined not to let mom sleep all day and she didnt she actually got up around 9 and was up for the entire day. Mom, Paige and I just hung out back, watered the flowers, trimmed and cut the flowers, swam, sat in the sun and just chilled again. It was another, very good day for ALL.

Tomorrow mom has her PET Scan in the afternoon and then hair cut on Wednesday and first Chemo on Thursday. We are all prepared for the Chemo with medicines and such that they suggest and so forth.

However, the prayer we/mom needs is for strength for the Chemo. We need prayer for her mindset. We need her to be strong and rebuke any and all side effects from the treatment except for the good stuff like lessen her pain and STOP/RETARD the spread of the cancer cells. We need her to have a positive attitude and not believe that it will take her down. I hope you all know what I am saying. Mom is a strong person, and some of you really know that about her, so now she needs to focus that strength and conviction on this chemo!!! She also needs the strength to do what she is told to go to help this process ie like not sleep, eat, drink lots of water and get some exercise. It must be hard to push yourself for this stuff but she really does have a good TEAM behind. I think Tracy calls it "Team Connie".

So send her encouraging texts, voice mails, emails whatever just send them to her lets bombard her with positive thoughts and words! I think that will help greatly.

Pictures from this weekend!

Red White and Boom 2010

This is pictures of Red White and Boom for this year here in Columbus 2010.

I have to tell you this, I was watching TV and realized oh yes we can watch this on TV. Well mom and dad and already went to bed. But I know this is sad but I thought what if this is the last year I would ever get to watch this with her. And it is not like we sat around and watched every year but a memory of us being downtown just us ( mom dad and paige ) flashed into my head. I cant remember how old Paige was, I am thinking like 2 maybe. We had a great place and a great view. When I saw the fireworks start on TV I went up to moms room. She had something on but was asleep and dad was laying there reading. I changed the channell and tried to wake her. She said oh honey I am to tired to watch but you know what? Oh, well I laid on the bed beside her and watched it by myself, then within a couple minutes Paige walked in and I pulled her right up there with us. I did not care if mom was sleeping or not we laid there and watched.

I know it is better to be down there live but the TV and all of us in bed watching or not watching was the best :)

Pics of mom and sarah

Mom and Sarah!

This is mom and Sarah, remember I told you she was our go to girl our nurse at the Zang? This is a picture of her and mom from today. We had to go for our meeting with the nurse practitioner, Cheryl and talk about Chemo Education, blood work, insurance stuff then Sarah. She had to give mom EKG and of course just talk about everything.

This was Paiges first time there and I hope she learned lots. We got a tour of the place and all the other stuff they have to offer. They have a "look good feel good" class which mom wants to go to, so we will definately do that. They talk about make up and such and also ways to wear scarves and hats around your head when loosing your hair. However, they do have other options. As Cheryl explained, excersicing is one thing they want you to do while having chemo, they promote that while offering yoga and other classes. Cheryl was pretty tough in a good way. She talked about the eating and the just laying around. She said absolutely NO not eating and explained different things to do to help. She also talked about sleeping, she said the more you sleep the more you want to sleep. So called "power naps" turn into more sleeping.

I will be honest, mom was not with it today. Effects of surgery and the anesthesia from yesterday or anti anxiety meds I dont know but she was not with it today. This morning she was upset about hair loss. But the focus was not on her and how she would feel, it was on Alan and others who might not see her on a daily basis and then BAM no hair. Needless to say this stirred ALL kinds of emotions in her and just blew her up for the day! I have to say the people at the Zang were really supportive about this especially Sarah. I guess they hear it all and see what helps others. Now Alan via a friend told us about a place in Dublin called Hope Boutique and these places you need an appointment which is what we will get. However, Sarah had a great idea and I have heard about this before but when it does not hit you at home you tend to forget. Sarah was saying how some people, knowing this is going to happen or are in the process of it happening, have what they call a "SHAVE YOUR HEAD PARTY"! Think about this, this is way for YOU the patient to take control of a side effect. Kinda like get it before it gets you! Personally I think this is fantastic idea and could bring mom a lot of laughs and support! But before this is planned, I need to know I have some people on board for this, so who reading this blog is in????? I have really been considering this, why because its my mom and my hair will grow back, plus the one who will sign up will all be men and it is easier for men. I want to know the WOMAN who is out there that will support this, is there any takers? PS: let me remind you or lay some guilt on you this is what mom was focused on ALL day and she HAS to do this.

Ok enough about hair. Wow, again today total overload of information, do this if this happens, do that if it doesnt blah blah. There are so many things and tiny things to absorb! The Zang is really a nice comfortable place but of course during the tour when we went to the 2nd floor (chemo floor) mom did get upset, but I think I would too. It just really turned out to be not so good of day, but tomorrow WILL be better.

I need a reply for any takers on the head shaving and if interested you can go with us to Hopes Boutique.

THE PORT IS IN AND DONE

Its all done and it went fine, well except the hour delay of the surgery. It just makes me irritable because that is all we have done since May 8th is wait for this, wait for that. Pluse being back on that surgery floor and in that waiting area was just kind of depressing.

The good news is that mom did fine. She only received a twilight sleep, so she came right to and was ready to get moving. Her and dad went to Outback and she did real good eating. Hmmm about 1/2 pound of crab legs and a wedge salad! Then she came home and ran the trimmer and blew the grass off the driveway. After all that she decided she wanted rasberry sherbert from Graeters, so off they went. When she came home she did go up and lay down and watched her evening shows.

Dad was relaxed said he thought she might be spent for the day and maybe tomorrow. I guess she fooled us lol. It is Dad and I who are spent tonight, I guess worrying to much. He is in bed and I was on my way but remembered I had to post about the PORT.

Tomorrow is the Zang Center, with some odds and ends to do, then we will be done until the Pet Scan on Tuesday.

Happy 4th of July enjoy your long weekend!